There are many myth’s about relationship closure. After a tragic loss or traumatic breakup, we’d all like to believe there’s a way to turn off the pain switch and get back to normal life. So when well-meaning friends and family say “you just need to find some closure,” we think that’s the answer. Once we achieve this mythical state of closure, we hope, the pain will disappear and the bad memories will be wiped clean.
Is closure necessary after a breakup?
Most psychologists say that closure doesn’t really exist. However, researchers have shared that by searching for permanent closure to emotional pain, we are closing ourselves off to healthier ways of processing difficult experiences. Having closure after a break up is normal, especially from a relationship. Relationship closure is the idea a person can’t fully move on until the relationship is “closed” in some way, such as by confronting an ex or otherwise.
What is closure in a relationship?
Closure from a relationship is the belief that there is a way to end the pain with some action and wipe memories clean to start a new chapter. A tangible example of closure from a relationship could be signing divorce papers or moving out of the apartment you shared with a romantic partner.
Why is it called closure?
The concept of closure comes from Gestalt psychology. Gestalt began as a way of understanding how the mind perceives and processes images, and one of the principles of Gestalt perception is that the mind seeks closure. For example, even if an image of a circle is incomplete, the mind still perceives it as a circle.
Myth’s about Relationship Closure: How to survive the break up guilt?
Forgiving someone who has wronged you is challenging, it actually facilitates your own healing process. Keep in mind that the act of forgiving is for your own enrichment. It doesn’t absolve your ex from all breakup accountability.
Survive the breakup guilt by apologizing to both your ex and yourself. When you’re living each day with the shame of doing someone dirty, closure isn’t possible. Instead, take a deep breath, put pride aside, and apologize. Even when the apology may not be accepted, the relationship is irreparable, and the eventual chance of friendship may be impossible. Your apology could even be the very thing your ex truly needs to make a fresh start.
Set a Goal
Sometimes the best way to get over the past is by simply looking and moving forward. In the case of a breakup, once you’ve accepted your feelings and grieved properly it won’t make those feelings go away altogether. Consider distracting yourself by focusing on something else maybe a new hobby, a forgotten goal, or a healthy lifestyle change. Try to pick something that will occupy both your body and mind, if possible. Determine a goal that is challenging yet reachable.
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